Monday, February 14, 2011

The Unanticipated Bride

I never thought I'd get married. There, I said it. I never thought I'd get married. Not because I thought no one would want me, my self esteem is nowhere near that low, but rather, because I really don't understand marriage as a concept. My parents are happily married, and my grandparents were, as far as I know, happily married. All my sisters and my brother have been married at least once, most of my friends are married, but as an idea, I just don't get it.

It's like electricity. I can diagram how the circuit is completed, I can install a light fixture, I can even explain it to someone who doesn't understand it, but every time I flip a switch, it's still like magic. I understand it, but I just don't get it. Marriage is like that. I can explain what it is, but not why, not how, not the reason behind it. Like electricity, marriage is a beautiful thing when it works, and causes fiery destruction when it does not. Unlike electricity, though, I haven't figured out the practicality of getting hitched.

Practicality. Reason. Logic. None of these words applies to tying the knot. Sure, I suppose for some people it's a way to get a tax break, or a green card, or some health insurance. Generally, these are not the explanations people give, but these are reasons I understand. These are paper and pencil, pro and con list-able reasons. I get that. Getting married because one is in love I don't get. Can't one be in love without the ring and the vow? Sure. Of course. I am. Deeply, desperately, beautifully in love. And I am cool with that. I am devoted. I am committed. Being in it is logical, reasonable, and practical, all without the ring and the vow.

I never thought I'd get married. I don't understand marriage as a concept. I am already wonderfully happy in the relationship I have. But when my Favourite Person in the whole wide world said that he wanted to marry me,  I didn't think about it. I didn't reason it out, I made no pro-con lists. I said "Alright." Now I have to go about the task of figuring out what it means to be married, how to get through the actual wedding part, and what happens after that.

I am the unanticipated bride.

Here we go...

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